Why Sometimes Losing Your Cool Is the Only Available Option

Photo by Timon Studler on Unsplash

“Sometimes, you have to get angry to get things done.”

— Ang Lee

Breathe in, breathe out. Patience.

This is what we keep telling ourselves, hoping that things will happen as we want. Or the person we are trying to explain gets our viewpoint. But as much as we try being patient, the body and mind reach a threshold point, and you lose your cool.

I recently had a meeting in which I tried my best to keep my cool. So much that I remained silent for 20 seconds biting my tongue. But even then, instead of getting things under control, my silence turned out to be pointless, and I had to use a tone that I don’t usually use.

What happened next?

After a lot of “do this’’, and “do that’’ statements, we finally settled on creating something that made sense to both of us.

If It Looks Easy — There Is a Back Story No One Knows About

When we see something and tell ourselves, well, that looks easy, the back story often is not. Countless minds worked tirelessly to present it in a manner that seemed easy to the other, but the journey to get there has been challenging and has included many such “losing your cool’’ meetings.

Sometimes we must get things done. Without it, we won’t be able to get on with our day. It could be submitting a critical document or getting that change done, and countless other things. But so often, we fail at communicating the urgency of our needs.

Every individual has their mindset and way of thinking. Some are planners, some believe in execution. But one of the most challenging things to do for me I have realized is to get the planners and executioners to find common ground.

The planner in my situation kept on spiralling in the same maze, trying to figure out all the possible exits. While as for me, the executioner wanted to make an actual move, travel a path that is in front of me and then figure out the exit — in short, I was trying to get some possible output because what you see is what you believe at least when it comes to delivering a scheduled task.

So, to get the planner to execute, you need to shut it. It would be best if you shut the never-ending thought-process of the planner, hold their hand and steer them to the direction that makes sense to you by explaining the need of the hour.

Do you know what happened the next day of that meeting?

The planner called, saying — if it weren’t for your firm tone, I would have never figured this out myself. So, thank you.

Thus, losing your cool is not always bad if done with the right intention.

The Stern Tone of Discipline

It often reminds me of how our parents would have to be firm to instill in us the good values we imbibe today. It reminds me of how my mother instilled in me the importance of every food grain on my plate when she kept me hungry for a short period. This did two things —

1. It dropped the fussy eating tantrum.

2. It helped me be grateful for whatever is served and thank the universe that I am blessed to receive this meal.

Losing your cool is a must when action has to be performed. We all are learning every day. Everyday life teaches us countless lessons. Life is firm, too, when we need to realize our self-worth. Incidents such as —

  • A breakup that hurt to the core evolved us into loving ourselves first.
  • A fallout in friendships left us alone, but it also helped us realize that being alone is far better than being with a friend who makes you feel shallow.
  • A quarrel with parents made you feel guilty but was required for them to take better care of themselves. (Don’t you agree that parents become children with age and the firmness in the form of discipline is reversed so that they take care of themselves?).

Anger Is Exhausting

Mind you, losing your cool is exhausting.

After I was done with the meeting, I could feel my body and mind craving for some rest. It’s as if your entire system was working on overdrive, and it needs to charge.

Yes, it does take a toll, but it is worth it if it leads to a positive outcome. When we work hard with the right intention that leads to the benefit of someone else, it’s strange, but the body recovers faster. Because when we see how it benefits someone, you feel like happy hormones are travelling all through your mind and body. It gives you a purpose to continue being the good you as the results are worth it.

Therefore, stop and think when losing your cool seems like the only available option. Ask yourself whether it is required for the greater good of the person and the goal you are trying to reach.

If yes, do it. Put your point across, explain the urgency and see how things change.

If no. Breathe in, breathe out and walk away because investing energy in something that doesn’t lead to a positive outcome is like talking to the wall. Useless and disappointing.

Dear reader, inclusion to the Medium Partner Program is currently not eligible for Indian writers. If you enjoyed reading this article, please consider buying me a cup of ‘coffee’ here.

Also, do read this insightful write-up by Fiza Ameen where she asks an important question — How is Your Relationship with Yourself?

Thanks so much for your time!



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