When Anger Strikes — Here Is How Self-reflection Helps to Stay Rational
The tools are available. The question is, when will you start using them?
“Speak when you are angry — and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
— Laurence J. Peter
I do get angry. I mean, who doesn’t. Occasionally someone will make your blood boil, something will not go your way, or you will come across a situation that is totally unfair. You will feel this buzzing in your ear and your body will feel like it’s on fire. Everyone has a different physical response to anger. But the emotional response, well that is not just different, it is the result of childhood events and past trauma.
When I get angry, I don’t yell. I get all teary eyed and my words are stuck in my throat. I fear that the words that will come out of my mouth will scar the opposite person for life. Words, I feel, are capable of inflicting so much pain that there is no going back once they are spoken. And thus, my anger is subdued. Some say, this will result in a lot of pent-up stress in my body. The body then will find ways to release all that stress in unknowing ways.
When I meditate, I can feel all that pent up anger leaving my body through a waterfall of tears. Or at random I will feel like my body is warming up, my heart rate is high and I need to slow down and take deep breaths. So much for not expressing my emotions.
Anger stems from something that threatens normalcy. It could be something that goes against our values or disrupts our mental peace. Anger then is an indicator of what sets us over the edge and what causes us discomfort.
When we are in a state of anger, it’s difficult to think rationally. But what you and I can consciously do is sit back and reflect on our impulse response.
What triggered our behaviour in the first place? Why did we behave the way we did and what can we do to figure out a calm response when someone or something upsets our mental peace?
To reflect, we need to cut out all external noise. It’s like doing those activities that leave you with your deepest thoughts. Meditation, exercise, journaling, dancing alone, taking a warm shower, etc. Anything that lets you be.
Being with yourself is probably the hardest thing you can do. It causes great discomfort to sit with your thoughts. Why? Because you must face your emotions head on. You must acknowledge your mistakes and most importantly, shed your ego.
Once you do that, you will feel like this huge burden of guilt lifts off your chest. You see when you are angry, you say something, or your actions cause the opposite person pain. Once you take some time out, you reflect on your actions and that increases your level of guilt. To let go of that guilt, you must face yourself in the mirror and accept everything what you see.
Do know that if you have the strength to face your true self, you are braver than you can imagine. Because how many people have the courage to sit with their ugly thoughts? How many are willing to accept their mistakes and apologise for their misdoings?
The more you reflect, the more you train your mind to be patient and think of a rational response rather than say something that you’ll regret. Reflection helps you gather yourself and train your mind and body to stop everything you are doing, take deep breaths and then respond to people who disrupt your mental peace.
Now, you have the tools to deal with an emotion that can wreck your existence. All you need to do, is implement.
Thanks so much for your time!
