What Do You Do When a Feeling Just Won’t Pass?
When a feeling doesn’t pass, it is a test of your patience and endurance.
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
— Buddha
I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. The moment my feet hit the ground, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. You know how some nagging feelings last throughout the day and you cannot explain why, that’s what I felt.
Such feelings are like a bad chest congestion. You gulp down hot water in the hope that your chest clears, but it doesn’t. You live through your sore throat and irritation and hope that soon this too will pass.
When it comes to my feelings though, I thought hard. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what is bothering you. No, this wasn’t a PMS sort of feeling. It was a feeling where life seems to feel like a standstill and you wonder where you are headed.
Routine — a word that is supposed to bring some form of stability in our life. We intentionally plan our day to ensure by the end of it, our self-worth gets a kick. But if you are a planner like me and have been following your routine as is, that too can feel like a trap.
I hate change. Trust me, I love my comfort zone. So, the moment change even begins to crop up, I feel like running. But even though I shiver at the thought of something changing, this time I longed for it. Funny enough, everything around me seems to change, but somehow I feel like I am stuck in one place and I am not allowed to move. Like someone hit the statue button on me and walked away.
I thought that this feeling would surpass as the day went by. But the next day it stuck. It felt like I didn’t recognise myself. It felt like life was truly putting me through a test. A test where it feels like this is it. This is my life on a loop. The same routine, the same activities, the same roller coaster of challenges and this is what I live through the rest of my life.
People often say that even though you cannot feel the change, it is happening around us 24/7. I had to have an internal monologue about it and force myself to believe that what I don’t see happening in my life right now doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. Life can change this very moment. I am being too pessimistic about my feelings. But feelings don’t happen just out of the blue. It is an amalgamation of pent-up events and bodily reactions that need a release at the most unexpected moments.
So, what do you do when you must get through the day with this sinking feeling? You don’t know when it will pass, but have the faith it will?
Am I still feeling this way? Yes. I took a good look at myself in the mirror and stared at my moistened eyes. I looked at that face that has scars as memories and told myself, ‘there were bigger and bitter challenges that you have survived. There is no way you cannot survive this one’.
This is what we do when life hits us hard. We somehow find it in us to compose ourselves. We feel so alone and, in that loneliness, we realise we are our own champion. You may have a lot of people around you, who love you and care for you. And yes, you must thank your stars every single day for them. But some conversations must be with yourself. Especially during the time when you feel that no one can figure out what is bothering you.
And thus, here I am, still clueless but with each passing day, the intensity of the feeling is less. Like one percent less every morning that I wake up.
When you are hit by such feelings, don’t react. Don’t go looking for answers. Find healthy ways to vent and just keep to yourself. Cry, write, paint, dance, take a walk, eat chocolate, eat your favourite meal and just wait. Wait and build endurance and patience. Sometimes life intentionally puts us in such feelings. Its our job to figure it out with patience.
Thanks so much for your time!
