Have you ever had the urge to do nothing but cry? Like apart from those PMS days, I mean. The ones in which you just hate everything and everyone. Where you wonder why you had to go through it all when you were stupid enough to give so much love.
And now here you are feeling so empty that even your tank of tears is empty, and you feel like you are to blame. It’s like the rain clouds refuse to let the sunshine let in.
Well, this is how I felt recently.
Why? To start, some people have been rubbing it on my face that my life trajectory should have been different. I should have been doing this, and I am doing something else. I should have been at a different phase in life, yet I am stuck here. I know, do hell with people. But sometimes, it isn’t easy to not think about what they say, which keeps you wondering if they are right. What if I am not worthy of the things people talk about.
But wait. We are talking about self-love here. And so far, I haven’t said anything about that.
When Sparrows Gave Me a Lecture on Life
So, after the whining and crying and then sighing away because sighing never felt so good, I just took a warm shower. When life seems colourless, I choose to wash away all my emotions. I didn’t think that it would help in any way, but I did it, nevertheless.
Then I chose to indulge in my mother’s special pulao that fills the entire house with aromas that makes you feel safe. It’s weird, but a familiar smell of spices makes me feel safe. Like someone cares to make something for you, what more can one ask for?
My mom keeps reminding me that what you think you should have does not have to be the epicentre of my life. Instead, other things in life are more important. I ignored what she said because it didn’t make sense to me. I kept eating away to glory so much that my mind and body was screaming for a good afternoon nap.
As I woke up feeling my body and mind well-rested, I changed into outdoorsy clothes and hopped on my cycle. I learnt how to cycle in 2020 by following a YouTube tutorial and self-taught myself. (So much for self-love, huh!). I just let the air brush past my hair and ignored the constant urge to cry, and sparrows came to greet me yet again.
They spoke to me and I to them. They knew something was off, and they kept chirping away louder than their usual tone as if trying to explain that I was not looking at the bigger picture. It somehow felt that they wanted to tell me that what I think is misery is someone’s lifetime wish. What I think I am missing out on is someone’s freedom. What I feel as a loss is someone’s battle to make it their win.
The society watchman thought I was crazy staring at the sparrows for a full one minute, and thus I started to peddle again.
The Clues Within Self-care
Something struck me as I went to bed that day after dinner and conversations with my family. There are clues about life and how to deal with it in self-care. When you take time off to spend time with yourself through meditation, music, cooking, eating, walking, cycling in nature, somehow the universe plants the exact thought you are looking for that will guide you towards your intended path. It will show you lessons that you were blind to see. It will give you epiphanies that wouldn’t happen if you wouldn’t shut the world and focus on yourself.
Thus, self-care isn’t selfish; it is an awakening. An awakening that life doesn’t get easier. It is meant to be lived through the hurdles. Your challenges are in your way for a purpose, and it was meant for you because the universe knows you are bloody well capable of handling it.
So, the next time you feel like your heart is at a constant low, turn to self-love, not only during the month of love. But whenever life feels like a break-up, and you need time to process. All you need to do is indulge in your self-care routine.
Even if that means talking to the sparrows, cooking your favourite meal, or admiring yourself in the mirror. Just remember, it doesn’t have to make sense. Because if it did, it wouldn’t be called self-love and the last time I checked, love is never supposed to make sense.
Dear reader, inclusion to the Medium Partner Program is currently not eligible for Indian writers. If you enjoyed reading this article, please consider buying me a cup of ‘coffee’ here.
This article is in response to the below monthly prompt by Yana Bostongirl.
Thank you Yana Bostongirl, for this self-loving prompt. It helped me to share my self-care journey hoping it would touch anyone in someway after reading it. :)
Also do read this beautiful poem by Dharan.M where he explains how ‘Fortitude’ and ‘Gratitude’ are two loyal friends.
Thanks so much for your time!
